Thoughts From the Road

Everything I own is packed into the back of my mom's minivan.  I'm sitting in the lobby of a hotel in some state I've never lived in (nor, for that matter, liked all that much) about two or three hours from my new apartment, which I can move into tomorrow.  We could have driven more tonight, but Mom was tired and as we get closer to my new home, I expect hotels to get more expensive.

We left yesterday and drove a whopping three hours.  We hadn't planned to, but it was hot and once we got the car packed up the idea of staying another night in my old apartment made me want to scream.  It's been a longer roadtrip than I planned, but I think that might be a good thing.  I think it might be a bit cathartic.

I'm excited, I'm relieved, I'm ready.  And yet?  I'm not ready.  I've spent the past few days getting rid of things, saying goodbyes, giving hugs, and alternating between grinning like and idiot and bawling my eyes out.  I lived there for six years.  My friends were my adopted family.  I'm glad to be moving on, glad to be moving forward, and yet?  I'm going to miss the life I'm leaving behind.

Mom and I have talked more than I expected, I've wanted to talk more than I expected.  I had planned to spend the drive reading and while I have managed about 75 pages, there seem to be more pressing concerns.  My relationship with my mother was rocky for a long time, but we've both changed tremendously in the past few years.  This is probably the most time we've spent together in a continuous stretch since I was in high school and it's actually really, really nice. 

In the next few days or weeks, I'll probably write about all my anxiety about what comes next.  I still have about 150 pages of orientation reading to do.  I have school stuff to buy and all of the details of my new life to get set up and organized, but right now, I think I need a few moments to be self-indulgent.  I need to reflect, maybe.

Also.  I don't own a TV, so I haven't been watching any Olympic coverage, but the TV's on here in the hotel lobby,  and can I just say?  Even with the volume down low, Ryan Seacrest is annoying.  Really annoying.